It’s hard enough to decide to get a penile implant to treat severe erectile dysfunction, even knowing that the alternative may be an inability ever to achieve an erection again. After all, the idea of removing the natural corpora from your penis and replacing them with an implant seems, well, drastic. However, while it may be a difficult decision for you, there is also a consideration about your partner and how to break it to them, if at all.
Before getting into a discussion about this very delicate topic, you must understand a few things.
First, if you are in a committed, long-term relationship, you will most likely want your partner to participate in the decision-making process. It’s unlikely that you can sweep significant surgery under the rug. Not only is there the surgery itself but also the recovery, during which time you will not have any sexual interaction. Secondly, having a partner to support you during recovery and even in the initial decision-making process is very important for your physical and emotional well-being.
Older patients who are not in committed relationships and who are dating older partners may find the conversation to be slightly more straightforward as well. After all, as we get older, we usually understand the physical limitations that come with age. Whether it’s taking erectile function pills like Viagra or Cialis, needing injections, or even a penile implant, the concerns become less concerning. Most importantly, the function is there.
So, in the end, this discussion primarily concerns younger and middle-aged patients whose partners would not expect them to have or need a penile implant.
Why Not Just Hide It?
Many patients, especially those on the dating scene, choose to hide the fact that they have a penile implant. It is a decision that every patient must make individually. However, there is some degree of fear and trepidation that comes with keeping this kind of secret that can preclude a patient from enjoying their sex life. Also, no matter how discreet the penile implant may be, and it most certainly is, being entirely contained within the body, it remains somewhat difficult, especially when a man is having regular sexual relations with the same person, to hide the motions needed to inflate and deflate the prosthesis.
So, let’s get into what you can say or do to alleviate concerns associated with a penile implant and reduce the possibility of misunderstandings by a partner.
Explain what a penile implant is and isn’t. When someone discusses a penile implant, the first thought is toward male enhancement. However, these implants are purely functional and have nothing to do with increasing a man’s length or girth. This must be explained clearly to avoid confusion or thoughts that the implant may be for aesthetic purposes.
When discussing the penile implant, it may also be helpful to explain the need for it. Whether it was a traumatic event or vascular issues that caused the inability to achieve an erection, having your partner understand that it was a medical issue that necessitated the penile implant can take some of the shock from the announcement.
There may also be some concern on the part of the partner that sex will somehow feel different. This is another misconception that should be discussed, and you have the equipment to prove it. This is especially true with the AMS 700 implant, which feels natural when the penis is flaccid and erect. This part of the discussion must, of course, be approached very carefully and tactfully.
If you have an upcoming visit on the books with Dr. Kapadia or your local penile implant specialist, it may be good to invite your partner along to hear directly from the surgeon about the device. Your partner can even understand the composition of the implant by looking at and feeling a demo device.
Lastly is understanding the problematic truth that can occur in some relationships. While we would all hope that our personalities and other attributes would be enough to enjoy a committed relationship, some people fixate on a problem that, in this case, has no bearing on sexual function.
The Bottom Line
While we praise the virtues of modern three-piece penile implants (and they are technological marvels) and how discreet and natural they are, most patients will want to tell their partner about their implant to be fully candid with someone they care about. This conversation can go one of two ways…but hopefully very well, with an understanding partner. Most importantly, be sure to do and say what you feel is best for your needs and the needs of your budding or mature relationship.